Thinking about death

Andrea Garcia, Staff Writer

Have you ever felt so closed in like you could hardly breathe? How about when you received bad news, you just lost a special person in your life that was dear to you?

After a while you start putting blame on yourself and others, that was never meant to belong there in the first place. What you feel is grief in its purest state. It is temporary and eventually does go away. However, grief is something that hits you so hard yet comes so naturally.

It is sort of like an open wound, people fall each day and sooner or later the cut or scrape that you got from the impact is bound to heal. We all feel this way at some time or another, others are just good at hiding it. Last year on August the 30th. Exactly six months ago, my family went through a pretty rough patch. The loss of my grandmother Bertha Fuentes Garcia. I’m not going to lie, it took a large toll on all of my family and friends and me especially being her very first granddaughter and all.

When she was admitted in the hospital none of us got the chance to actually see her much except for the visits in the summer and occasional holiday gatherings.  Due to the fact that a lot of our close relatives lived so far and so did i. Even if it was just a few hours away from Laredo it wasn’t always easy to visit.   She was one of the most important people to me and in a short matter of time.. she got taken away so effortlessly.  She influenced me to become a better person and always told me how proud she was of me even when I wasn’t doing much.

Cancer isn’t something that picks and chooses it just sort of attacks you like a silent killer. It’s not like you would have seen it coming from a mile away. The type she had however was stage four, it moved fast and didn’t give her enough time to prepare herself.  She was extremely kind hearted and believe me our time didn’t last very long but I cherished every moment of it.

Before me and my family heard the news I always had this gut feeling I should call her more often. I was not sure why but I never really did. I loved her more than anyone could have ever imagined and I had time but I didn’t call her enough. Even though it was not my fault or anyone’s for that matter that this tragedy had to occur. I still stuck with that guilt for a while and it isn’t a very nice feeling. If I could go back in time and somehow reverse it I would have called her every day.

Let’s stop talking about what I could have done and start talking about what I would have done with her if she was still here. My grandmother was a lover of many things such as music, jewelry
and cooking. If I was ever so fortunate to have been able to see her when I get home from school today I’d ask her how her day was. Then cook a few things with her and see if there was any new interesting recipes that she could tell me about.

We would stay up until 3 am talking about our lives and she would tell me crazy stories about all the fun times she had when she was young. We would have these random movie nights where she would let me pick out any movie I wanted and the next week I would do the same for her.

I always had a lovely time with her even when we were just sitting there silently.

Grief is something that won’t last forever at least I have our memories!

Sometimes all you really need to do is stop taking the people you have around you for granted. Even in the good times and the struggles the people who stick by you whether it’s family, friends, someone you’ve just met keep them close to you and don’t push them away.

If you’re ever going through something like this look at all the positive sides to it.

You did a ton of things together that you will remember forever and that is all that matters. In the end that is all you have so don’t forget that. Life’s too short to not spend it with people who care the most about you. (: